I stood in disbelief. The glass that I thought would make a perfect desktop, was shattered. The completing of this room is taking longer than anticipated. Shards of glass were everywhere. I stood there in disbelief. I had plans for this glass. What was I going to do now?
As I knelt to sweep up the mounds of tiny sparkling broken glass upon the brick, I did think there was beauty in this pile of brokenness. I was not happy about it though.
Then later this evening, I got word about some big plans that had changed… And I marveled at the timing of this glass breaking today. I marveled that I saw something big being broken and then later today, big plans were broken. My heart was hurt. I was sad. In the recesses of my mind, the lines from a song started to play on a loop in my mind:
“Disappointment is my closest friend.”
Then, from the beginning of the verse:
“Now once, I was downhearted, (Oh…yes, LORD, I am downhearted now)
And disappointment was my closest friend.”
I even Googled the song and sang along to it out-loud to the LORD, so HE would know it was how I felt.
Then the tears flowed as I cried out to the LORD and told HIM how my plans were shattered, demolished, no more. I cried out to HIM that I felt like disappointment was my closest friend. I said it to HIM several times like I was singing the lament myself, till I came to my own version which was:
I am so disappointed.
As soon as I spoke out my own version of the song to HIM, I heard:
“You, are my anointed.”
And I said back to HIM (like HE hadn’t heard me):
I am so disappointed.
Again:
“You are my anointed.”
HE brought Scripture to my mind, like Romans 8:28, one of the first verses I put to memory. HE kept encouraging me. He reminded me that I have “a friend that is closer than a brother.” HE kept saying all sorts of Truth to my disappointed self. My shattered self.
Could I see beauty in the broken?
Could I move past my hurt, to contentment and my lament, no longer spoken?
Would I live in my despair,
And believe no one cared?
No.
It was a choice,
To listen to HIS voice.
There is beauty in the broken.
The pain real and the lament spoken.
When plans are shattered,
And I think “it” was all that mattered,
HE calls me to see beauty in the broken.
What HE does is not just a token.
HE has purpose in every single thing HE does.
HE tells me that I am HIS beloved.
I choose to believe,
When reality is beyond what I can conceive.
How HE will mend a million pieces,
And stop the disappointment voices till they cease?
HE can bring beauty from each and every broken piece,
When I submit to HIM and my will and way release.
Beauty in the broken.
HE mends hurts so deep, they remain as unspoken.
HE will bring beauty from the broken.
Hallelujah.
And I thought:
When all appears to shatter –
A hope that really mattered –
Before your eyes, cracks and crumbles –
Do not let it make you stumble.
Plans change.
Not everything remains the same –
Only Him.
When everything within your eyes view,
Is fractured and shattered in two,
Cry out and look up
To HIM.
Because HE will use every little shard,
Even when I feel I’ve been dealt the wrong card.
The broken, the shattered –
Every little piece matters.
LORD, I see beauty in this broken,
I lift to YOU, my heart, my unspoken
And ask, Please let me see YOUR beauty in my broken.
Amen.
What a beautiful way to end my day, on this side of the globe… reading this post and just letting your words minister to my broken heart. This is my brokenness season, a brokenness that I am learning to embrace one day at a time. So, when I read your words, they were like one more cup of healing balm that had such a gentle soothing effect on my heart. I can only say, Thank you… for being the Father's instrument of blessing to me tonight.
Shalom,
Lidia
When my plans shatter like broken glass, I struggle to see God in the chaos, but I am learning (slowly) to hold my plans loosely and to hold my judgment, waiting for God to act — or not — as He pleases.
I'm feeling a bit shattered right now, and your words helped. Beautiful post Lora!
Adrienne
I love how you are being authentic about your disappointment, because we've all been there. Might as well tell the Lord how you feel! Or in your case, sing to Him how you feel!
Anyway I understand your illustration about beauty in the brokenness. Recently we had a rock from a weedeater hit our glass panel next to the front door in the church and it made all kinds of cracks but the glass stayed. I thought it was beautiful, sort of like a mosaic. But it would not be safe to keep it because the first storm that came along might prove it's undoing.
It had to be replaced, just like sometimes we have to be renewed in our spirit.
Thanks for sharing at The Loft, Lora!
Dear Lidia,
My The Great Comforter continue to minister to you in your season of brokenness. Bless you.
Yes, as HE pleases! Hallelujah! HIS ways are so much better than ours.
I am so sorry, my friend. Praying that HE will renew, restore and strengthen you. Xo
A mosaic – yes!!! Bless you, Jerralea.
Oh my word! So powerful, especially this:
When all appears to shatter –
A hope that really mattered –
Before your eyes, cracks and crumbles –
Do not let it make you stumble.
Plans change.
Not everything remains the same –
Only Him.
When everything within your eyes view,
Is fractured and shattered in two,
Cry out and look up
To HIM.
Speaks to my heart in deep, deep ways. Thank you, friend, for this post. I'm so sorry about your glass and the disappointment that it represents, but I am so grateful that Jesus soothed your broken heart. You are precious to Him, and to me!!