I just want to say, I like my Carroll nose that I inherited from my mother’s side of the family. I haven’t always felt this way. In fact, I’ve been my own worst critic picking apart the parts, or points, about myself that I don’t like or don’t measure up to cover girl critiques. Anyone else out there who wishes something about them was different? I’ve wished I was shorter, had a quick wit, that my teeth were smaller, that I was smarter, funnier, had fingers that didn’t look like link sausages… the list could go on and on. As I’ve listened to other women over the years, I know that I’m not alone. We all seem to have something, or things, that we don’t particularly like about ourselves. Thankfully, there are some areas that we can work to really better ourselves in and change; but, my nose is going to remain. For a good part of my life I’ve wondered why the good Lord didn’t bless me with a button nose. Now I realize I could go out and pay for a button nose and have a button nose; but hear me out on why I’ve decided I like my nose. And not one ounce of judgement for those who have had nose jobs, or other jobs. This is a no judgement zone.
A little over a year ago, while visiting with my dear grandma in the hospital I met someone at the hospital who said they could tell I was a Carroll by my nose…Well, thank you. I took that as a compliment. Now, I don’t know if they meant “you have an Eiffel Tower protruding from the mid region of you face” or not; but, the Carroll family is a clan of loving and lovely saints, and if my nose marks me as one, I will gladly take the honor.
I’ve thought of the verse that says the Lord “knit me together in my mother’s womb” and thought that the Lord with His knitting needles didn’t come to the end of his yarn and have to tie a big knot where my nose is. God designed my nose. I don’t have to try to use foundation to shade in the top or highlight the sides or wear blue eyeshadow to draw your eyes away from my nose. God knit my nose into the very fiber of my being. And today, I am just thankful for my nose. I have my mamas nose and I sure do love my mama. My mama had her daddy’s nose and I sure do love my Grandpa Garrett. I have a facial feature that connects me to the generations before me. The feature that I’ve wished was different connects me to a heritage of people that I know and love. And I know that they loved me. Isn’t love like that? It frees us up to love ourselves and love others.
I am free to love myself and my nose.
My outward appearance may be what you see;
But my inward Spirit is as Caroll as my Grandpa Garrett, Grandma Mavis and Bea.
Today, I am being present over being perfect. And I want you to know that though I have accepted my nose, I struggle to be present over perfect in other areas of my life. Good grief, just a few minutes of scrolling social media and I feel like I need a new:
living room
curtains for an outdoor gathering area
everything in my closet – just start over Memaw
learn to dance so I can tik tok
pillows and accessories for a guest suite
Today, I’m just letting go of the pressure. The pressure I apply to myself, from myself. The pressure for my nose to look like what some magazine cover says it should look like. The pressure for everything in my home and life to be picture perfect. Reality is: I have laundry hanging all over my laundry room because I like to air dry my clothes. My bed is not made crisply every single day. If you come over you may think I need to sweep my kitchen floor again because, how on earth can two people make such a mess? I always thought it was the children making a mess in the kitchen and the last year has confirmed, it was not. The pressure to be, or say, or do what someone else expects of me, I release all the confines that doubt and fear tell me I have to be a certain way. I breathe in the freshness, the newness, the okay-ness to be who I am and who God wants me to be. I choose to see myself as He sees me:
Woven together in the womb
Perfect in every way
Breathe in with me today,
And love the way God has made you.
You are special
You are unique
Even if you feel you have a big flaw or something tiny to tweak
You are special
You are unique
The world needs to see
The real you, the real me
Just as God made me
The parts I can change
And those that I can’t
I’m not going to worry, or rant
I will change what I can
And release what I can’t
I like my nose
Thank You Lord for my Carroll nose
Thank You Lord for making me exactly the way You designed me to be
And today, I can say, I am free
Of others expectations of me
No magazine, no opinion, no feed,
No other source
Will defeat me, or divert me, from my course
To know You and love You
Speak Lord, and let us know what You desire us to do,
We wait for Your voice
Yes, we stay the course
And wait, for Your voice.
Amen.
