Lora Lovin Osburn

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Purse on a Chain

Beth Moore· Fashion· Friends· Fun· Home Sweet Home· Laughing· Living Proof Ministries· What We Do Without TV

This post is by request: Georgia Jan, I love you. Thank you for agreeing this is not my normal poetry. *This* is what happens after three amazing days in Houston for a Siesta gathering coupled with three nights of sleep eluding me and a flight delay (that I would not have missed for anything!) to get back to the country life…
Have you heard the saying:
“You can take a girl out of the country, but you can’t the country out of a girl?”
My country roots were showing the moment I stepped foot in the door of Neiman Marcus at the Galleria in Houston. After the Siesta Scripture Memory Team Celebration, Brittney, Kelly, Nesha and I had ventured out for a little shopping. Literally, the first *thing* I spotted was a gorgeous handbag for Victoria Leigh, our fifteen year old darlin’, fashion conscious teen. My gracious, I just knew she would love the flowers and the bright red color.

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Unlike any shopping I’ve done in tiny towns nearby our little unincorporated area, the purse was chained to the display. And there was an armed policeman about 20 feet away. Those *things* should have been a clue; but what’s a country girl to do? However, this did not prepare me for what I saw on the price tag.
I thought my eyesight was going bad.
This is what I saw:

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Then I had to look again for a hidden camera, because I thought I might be being filmed for a show like Hee-Haw.

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The purse remained…on the chain.
Even though we have been TV free for over five years, I have heard of “Pants on the Ground” and this little parody could be said or rapped to the same tune. Do you say a rap to a tune?! I’m not sure. But, it provided some good laughs as Jan, Twinkle, Emmy, Wendy, Kelly and I were stuck on a plane – yes, Purse on a Chain was written while stuck on a plane! I promise you it does not get any better, feel free to stop now before you read the first letter.

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Purse on a Chain
Purse on a chain
Purse on a chain
Stores in Houston got
Purse on a chain
Fancy red flowers all over the bag
Sticker shock hits when you look at the tag
Purse on a chain
Purse on a chain
Neiman Marcus keeps Valentino under lock and key
The nineteen hundred and fifty price is killin’ me
Purse on a chain
Purse on a chain
If you purchase this bag to go out or to a game
You may be labeled as rich or vain
Purse on a chain
Purse on a chain
Oh, take me back to my cozy, country home
Where our dogs (and our purses) are free to roam
Purse on a chain
Purse on a chain
*****************
Now, Sweet Siesta’s that’s a Houston rap
And since sleep has eluded me for days, Goodnight, I need *moore* than a nap.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Yolanda says

    Lora,

    You are KILLIN' me this mornin'…K.I.L.L.I.N.'!!

    I'm laughing and smiling and got the whole rhythym going because I do enjoy me some American Idol, and when the General sang this, it was all I could do but get pumped and totally agree with him.

    I am so looking forward to spending time with you here at By The Lamp Light.

    Lovingly,
    Yolanda

  9. ocean mommy says

    LORA THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!!!! Seriously, Emma is looking at me like I'm a nut!

    I'm going to be coming up to see my lil' sis in the next few weeks and I would love to try and get together with you and Patty and G. if we could work it out!!!

    Hugs
    s.

  11. Leah Adams says

    WHAT. A. HOOT!! I can only imagine the laughter that goes along with this story. Wish I could have been a fly on the walls of Needless MarkUp, er, I mean, Neiman Marcus.

    Leah

  12. Luv2Praise says

    That is great!!! We too were shocked by the prices in the mall. We were even more scared when we got lost and could not find out way out! It was more than us Northeast girls could take. Everything really is bigger in Texas, especially the price tags!! Thanks for printing the song!

    Lori

  15. Kelly S. says

    I can not express how funny this was or how tickled I am AGAIN reading it!!!!!

    Out of the blue, Emily said today….."I don't get it". I said "get what" and she said, "why that purse cost so much, and why it was on a chain and not in a case"!! (me either!!LOL)

  16. Gran Jan says

    Lora: I miss you so much! I cannot tell you how much fun it was to meet you. When my ADDHDADDHD kicked in and I noticed your beautiful scripture spiral, then we both looked up at the same time and realized it was "US," the squeals were so much fun! Everyone in the room "got it" too. They realized…it's two siestas finally getting to meet! Awwwwwww.

    You are so precious to me and I thank you for publishing your famous song. I know the poetry isn't your norm, but it sure made for a fun time in the Houston town! I can still hear you saying "where I'm from we chain up dawgs, not pocketbooks!"

    If the Tennessee Two, the Georgia Four and South Carolina Duo could meet again and just tell y'all bloggers about it – you would not believe it!

    The people were testy because we had to wait on that plane for almost 4 hours before taking off for Atlanta due to inclement weather there…

    That is when Laura started writing her song "Fight on the Plane." It was hilarious and scary at the same time when a flight attendant threw a bottle of water at one of the passengers… Y'all, I.am.not.teasing.

    You are SO talented and beautiful!

    I love you,
    Jan

  17. Anonymous says

    I JUST LOVE THIS!!! YOu are tooo funny!!! It's killin' me!!! My day just got better because of this rap!!

    I'll never forget our faces in that store when we realized it was on a chain….or when I innocently asked the sales lady if they sold "juicey" perfume at Macy's!!

    What a trip!!!!!

  18. Anonymous says

    That's an expensive purse, a great story and the perfect poem. The other day, I just happened to hear the rap song you referenced, or I would not have known what you're talking about! I read your previous post about scripture memorirzation. Great post and neat ideas. TV free for 5 years? That's awesome. We have cut down our watching significantly but not cut it out entirely. Love to hear more about that. And you've done some weight loss apparently. Maybe I need to browse deeper into your blog. 🙂 Thanks! Love, Jenn

  20. Wonder Woman says

    Love it! It happened to me once with a red crocodile purse as I was cutting thru a Sax 5th Avenue to get to the parking garage. I was thinking to myself I am going to treat myself until I saw the price tag and about fainted. When I told my husband about it he just kept a straight face and said, "Wow, it must have been a real red crocodile!"